Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Black & Blue

As I sit and examine my latest in a really long line of gnarly bruises, I found myself trying to remember all the bumps and bruises along the way in the past 4 years.  The kids have been remarkably safe, with only a scratch or scrape along the way.  They have had their fair share of bit lips and black eyes though.  I think all but my #3 has had at least one major black eye.  #2's was the worst - a week into having a new big girl toddler bed, she discovered jumping on the bed was a blast!  Make that, blast "off"!  She took a full facial header into the wooden corner of the bed frame and really did a number on herself. 

But it's ME who has suffered the majority of the damage!!  I have had more black eyes than they all have put together.  My little ones have this habit of standing between my knees while I am seated, and as I get all lovey on them and bend down for a kiss, to try a shoe, or to fix their shirt, WHAM!!!  The back of their head cracks me on the bridge of my nose or right into my orbital socket.  I've seen more stars this way, than all my years living in Los Angeles!!  Those sweet little angels have also taken those concrete heads and rammed them into my teeth on a few occasion leaving ME with split lips or puffy-fish lips.   It's hard to explain these little mishaps at work, where very few of my co-workers have young children.  I can only imagine what they think!

Now I have to wonder about my poor husband.  While he has never been on the receiving end of a kid-induced facial injury, I know on more than one occasion, my girls have trampled on the family jewels.  They don't use their 50-pound heads, thankfully; but they use all sorts of equally hard and somewhat sharp objects, like elbows, feet, knees.  Maybe it is the fact that girls don't have an appreciation for needing to protect their nether regions like boys do.  Maybe it is the fact that he lets them jump all over him when he's down on the floor playing with them.  Maybe he no longer cares what happens to his manhood - we're certainly not having any more kids so if it gets permanently damaged, it is not like we have all of our hopes and dreams still tucked into his shorts!  Or maybe it is just too annoying to have to wear an athletic support cup around the house - just in case.

So my latest bruise is one I actually got all on my own.  I needed to use the restroom at 4 AM, and groggily tripped in the dark, falling into my shower backwards.  The massive bruise on the back of my right thigh is about the size of a cantaloupe and is so intensely black - it kind of looks like a massive black raised mole. 

After 5 days, it's starting to fade in the middle to a nice shade of purple.  My favorite color.  My mom and I joke that the women in our family are bruise magnets.  She and I have bruises from stuff we can't remember.  Half of them must be obtained through osmosis.  At least I have a good friend to have show-and-tell time with!  Too bad we now live an hour away.  This bruise used to be worthy enough to drop in for a visit based solely on my ouchie.

And the latest bruise one of my kids is sporting?  Cute little #4, who got #1's knee to her face this weekend.

At least we're all in this together!


  1. Arnica Montana. A holistic treatment that works wonders. I use it all the time. It is available in tablet for to take orally which it looks like you need, and cream for applying topically like it looks like she needs. Off to whole foods you go!

  2. I don't know where my bottle of Arnica tabs is - I think a trip to the pharmacy in Woodland Hills is in order. I'll get an extra bottle of the tabs for you if you haven't gotten one yet.

  3. I picked up a cream but I'll take the tablets if you get them! thanks Mom!