Wow... it's been another week of non-stop stuff. I just have to share because it's no wonder I got sick this morning. Plus people claim my stories crack them up... we'll see if the comments reflect that this time. This story is not for the sensitive or faint of heart. It's T.M.I. to the max.
On Monday, I had the most fabulous 100-minute deep tissue massage. Special treat to myself for my crappy Valentine's Day! I know, you're all foaming-at-the-mouth jealous of me, right? Later that day, I was as sore as I would have been had I actually worked out for that length of time instead of being a bump on a bed having someone else do all the work. My Purple Twinkie fell asleep in my arms that night and as I rose to walk her up the stairs, I felt every pound of her in my body... each step seemed like an impossible feat, but I did it. I got her upstairs and tucked in bed. Whew. Later as I got my first tall glass of water late in the evening (oops), I felt like I was hit by a truck... sore all over, but I got my water and plopped on the couch. The cat came over for some love then walked away somewhere. Next thing I know, there is 24 ounces of ice cold water splashing the back of my neck... thanks kitty. I leave most of it where it fell because I was too sore to bend over and clean it! D'oh! I never got up to refill, either. Low on ice. My own fault there.
Are you feeling even slightly sorry for me yet?
Tuesday morning, I realized I was still on weekend night time schedule, but unfortunately back on weekday wake up schedule... 5 hours was just not enough. And I was still sore. Like really sore. I do all the normal mommy things for a Tuesday morning... unload the dishwasher, make waffles, load up the dishwasher, run a load of laundry... looking at the clock, hoping 11 AM would come sometime soon and my Danish salvation (aka New Nanny) would appear to do my bidding. I needed an energy drink to kick start my day. Even though it was 10 am and that was the first thing I had since waking a little after 6. I hit the road at 12 to make my way to West LA and decided I needed the biggest ice tea ever at a Jack in the Box along the way... that oughta hit the spot.
I can hear my mother now saying... TAMI! DRINK YOUR WATER! I turned mom's voice off. The ice tea was tart and bitter (no sugar... I was being good) but somehow I needed that.
Around 5 pm, I got that weird feeling. You know, down there. Wait a minute... The ice tea was gone an hour ago, so why do I need to pee again? And again? Uh oh. And again! Oh no... this is not good. And again.
It's starting to get miserable but I have enough work to keep me busy until 8pm, so I really need to stay. Finally I gave up and drove straight to a gas station for 3 bottles of outrageously priced cranberry juice. That oughta help. (My mom, now coming in clear as a bell... WATER WATER WATER!!!) Ok, all three bottles down the hatch, with a water chaser just for mom. Cool.
Oh wait, not cool. After 45 minutes on the road, with the last leg of my trek at the horizon.... a sign that says 57 South Closed. Take Detour. Ok, now I gotta pee, folks, and I'm in PAIN. Not just full bladder pain, but aching kidney pain that was screaming, forget the detour, go to the ER stat!!! I take the detour. I think I know better than the sign pointing the opposite way of where I want to go, so I go my way (again mom is in my head tsk'ing at me for being so stubborn and ignoring the detour signs). I should mention that I am new to the area, it was pitch black out, and my car was starting to run on empty. I make it all the way to the canyon road I knew about and see a freeway on ramp. I decide to go for it. Except it was west-bound only. Not east. Or south. Either way would have worked... Illegal U-turn, and find the correct on ramp - yay! Except it too was closed. Are ya kidding me? Back to the canyon route and off I go on a super dark adventure Nanny and I used to call "unintentional exploration." 15 minutes later and I found the on ramp that would drop me at home in 5 minutes.
I almost scream when I use the restroom. Obvious kidney distress... I grab the iPod and head straight to the ER. Finally back at home, I can't sleep until after 2:30 AM due to the horrendous bladder pain.
At 4 AM, the Purple Twincess climbs into bed with me. Too tired to care, I let her.
Suddenly I was being poked in the back. Poke. Poke. Poke. Ahhh.... #4, my Pink Twinkie decided to wake me up a little after 6. She climbs into bed to find #1 sleeping and they decide to get into a pushing match over the spot next to mommy. So... sleep is out of the question. Time to go be a mom. At least I'm not in tears due to the pain, but it still hurts enough to hurry downstairs and load up on the meds again.
This time, gotta get kids ready for preschool and take New Nanny on some errands. I drop off the Twincesses, then drop Nanny off, and the Twinkies and I head out on our adventure for the morning. Chantings of "hamburger hamburger hamburger" fill the car. Really? It's 10:30!! Well OK, sure, hamburgers it is. The kids split a burger combo and I get a 3-piece chicken strip box from Carl's Junior. At 11:15, Nanny needs a ride to the bank so we wrap it up and grab her from her appointment just a block away.
Suddenly I felt nauseous... the meds, the chicken, the lack of sleep... it all was too much. I pulled over to "visit" a bush in a parking lot and step out of the car. As I did, my sore body screamed in pain and when I bent over to throw up, I pulled a muscle and practically hit the floor. Seriously, I just pulled a muscle in my BUTT. How does one do that??!??! I guess I am just "special", or something, to be able to pull that one off.
Off to grab the Twincesses, drop off Nanny and the Twinkies at home, take the Twincesses to a play date then come home at 3, exhausted beyond words. We also said goodbye to "old Nanny" that afternoon. She is on a plane to Holland in the morning. Lots of tears from my girls, and me. More toxins and emotions being dumped into the cesspool now known as "Tami."
I spent the rest of the day, literally unable to stand up straight. I yelped each time I sat down, stood up, walked or bent over. I was worthless. But I *was* drinking my water with vigor! (Mom is clapping now... and telling me to take my "greens").
Unfortunately, the damage was already done. I dumped too many toxins in my body by having that massage and NOT drinking my water. I added insult to injury by then having to take antibiotics to kick the kidney infection. I didn't take my greens fast enough. I realized late that night that I was on the verge of getting a cold. I ignored my mom's voice telling me to take another handful of greens and drink a ton of water, and instead stayed up working until 1:30. This was on less than 4 hours of sleep from the prior night, too.... I was lucky enough to get barely 4 more hours of sleep Wednesday night, and awoke Thursday with a full blown cold. That'll teach me. (Nope, probably not.)
Oh yeah... are you jealous of my 100-minute massage NOW?