Monday, I went to the spa gym and had a body analysis done. BMI calculations, measurements, weigh in, assessments… the whole thing took an hour. But guess what? I’ve lost 18 pounds in 2 weeks!
I can’t imagine how many inches have already come off in the same time frame because I didn’t get this done last month. All I know is that I can see my ankles again, my stomach droops down much less than it has in a long time, and my face is thinner. I’m happy! I can’t wait to work out, but I need to take it easy for a month and instead increase my endurance by walking. Walking. WALKING!! Walk like crazy… get the heart pumping, get to where I can walk 3 miles without passing out. I can do that… I have a GREAT neighborhood and I can take the kids with me in the beginning while I’m still slow. When I start to speed up, the babies will have to stay with daddy and the big girls can come with me if they can keep up! Wouldn’t it be so nice if I was SO speedy, I left them all in the dust? Whoo-hoo… here’s to some sweat! (Just have to start wanting to exercise… another tough thing to do in my sedentary lifestyle!)
My energy level is much better than it was the few days after surgery, but it’s still not up to my usual pre-surgery level. I guess it took a lot of calories to maintain my current body weight AND level of activity! I’m tired, but then again, I think I need to increase my protein and iron yet again. It’s hard to motivate myself into consuming 4 protein shakes a day, especially when it’s not very pleasing to my palate.
I’m grappling with emotional issues like “eating to live” versus “living to eat.” It reminds me of a movie I’ve watched nonstop for weeks now that I’ve introduced my little girls to “mommy’s movie version of Cinderella”, which is called EverAfter, starring Drew Barrymore as the title character and Angelica Houston as a deliciously evil wicked stepmother. The younger stepsister (who is not so mean in my book), is treated subpar to her sister by her mother who wants desperately to marry off her beautiful blonde first born to the crown prince. In one scene of the movie, the “lesser” stepsister complains that she got the least attractive gown for the ball to which her mother curtly replies, “you’re only going for the food.”
Many social occasions I’ve looked forward to have definitely revolved around food: house parties, girls’ night out, dinner concerts, rare date nights with my hubby, kid birthday parties and bridal/baby showers! But am I only going for the food? No… not usually. Do I look forward to checking out the bounty laid before me? Oh yeah! I don’t usually OD on the buffet, but admittedly there are times when I eat well more than my fair share. Because it feels good and tastes so great!
During these weeks of not being able to eat, I’ve turned down a baby shower, several opportunities to host or go to play dates, and a few twin mommy meetings and mommy club events. It’s not that I can’t go to the parties and event, or that I won’t be able to control myself. I could and I can. But why put myself into a position that would only frustrate me? Cause resentment? And potentially cause me to lose control, especially if I could have a glass of wine without the food to go with it… why? Is this really running away and not facing my decision to make this radical change? Or is it simply self-preservation right now? In another month I can eat whatever I want. I just might not be able to eat everything I want. At least if I can sample some of the buffet, take home the rest of my meal, or have the tiniest piece of cake, then all should be well. I can handle that. But right now? While I am existing solely on protein shakes and vitamin water? I think I’ll just make plans that include staying home with my family – or taking long walks with my family – instead of being the social butterfly I am known to be.
My post-op follow up visit is tomorrow. I can’t wait to hear what the oBand Center docs think about my progress so far. Am I on track? Am I not losing fast enough or too fast? What’s right for me, might not be right for someone else… 20 pounds of weight loss in 2 week for someone needing to lose 60 pounds is probably not attainable. But someone needing to lose 200 pounds… well, 20 pounds is only 10%. I have a lot further to go on this journey, but so far it feels good.