Saturday, August 14, 2010

Battling Breastfeeding

I just read a post from a pediatrician-turned-SAHM who had struggled with breastfeeding.  Never before had I heard of such an obvious "diagnosis" for failing to produce milk even though you are trying everything in your power to produce milk - something that should be as natural as breathing, right?

Photo: Bryan Mullennix / Getty Images

My response on her blog site actually made for a post in its own.

WOW. It finally makes sense. IGT.  "In adequate Glandular Tissue"  I wish that I knew of the possibility. Throughout 2 full term twin pregnancies, I had the sore boobs in the first trimester, but NEVER did my breast tissue change, grow (in fact they shrunk because I lost weight during my pregnancies), get firm... nothing.

And I thought I had boobs from heaven... I thought I could feed a starving nation if I were bold enough. After all, I had hungry twins to feed and a pair of 40-Gs, right?

My mother, my friends for whom breast feeding was the only choice for them, books from doctors who believed that "absolutely any woman can breastfeed, even those who have adopted babies"... they all told me to faithfully keep up the good work and it will come. It will come in 3 days after delivery. Just wait 3 days. Maybe 4 days and you will be so swollen and sore that you will feel so silly from all these feelings of inadequacy. OK, maybe 5 days...well, maybe a week?

It never came. I slept maybe 75-90 minutes a few times a day. The rest of the time I had either a baby or a machine hooked up to my breasts. I would average 1/4 to 1/2 ounce after 30 minutes at the pump, sometimes a full ounce when my tons of water, suppliments, beer, oatmeal cookies, and herbs were all taken at once. Weighing a baby before and after showed those little sucking machines could only get a 1/10th of an ounce out of both breasts after 40 minutes.

I closed up shop at 2 months so I could regain my smile and my life for my first set of twins. The transformation was awesome... I fell in love with my babies instead of resenting their existance. Instead of constantly feeling like I was failing them how could THEY love ME?

My second twin pregnancy proved breast feeding was an identical chore. At one month post-delivery, I chucked the notion that my breasts were good for nourishment. Nope, they are only awesome chest adornments for the opposite sex.

Dr. Mom, I *wish* I had read your blog 4 years ago. I probably would not still hold feelings of resentment over this issue. While I know I did the best for me and my kids based on what I had, I still feel inadequate.

1 comment:

  1. Yep. Dr mom is great. I just met her through SITS as well. Hope you're feeling better.